An ode to the Olsens

Stop the lights! Hold the traffic! Sound the alarm! Approximately a week ago, something truly beautiful happened. My favourite doppelgangers appeared on television. Yep, Mary Kate and Ashley – my twinspirations – partook in a rare interview, and with Ellen no less. The bar was set high with Sophia Grace and Rosie (you remember those tutu clad kids belting out age appropriate versions of Nicki Minaj?), but the Olsen twins are now firmly my favourite duo to grace the Ellen couch.

I have rewatched their interview on ellentv more times than I would like to admit, guffawing at any hint of wit the girls express – Mary Kate can’t remember her first kiss? BAHAHAHA how humorous, me too, we have so much in common! Shall we be friends!?! Yep, I am an unabashed stalker groupie fan, and meticulously (when not wearing menswear), try to apply their distinctive style to my own, and here’s how you can do the same.

1. All hair must be worn thick, bushy and wavy. Eyebrows are exaggerated and hair needs to cascade in loose falling ringlets – so throw out your tweezers and hang up your hair brush, it’s all about absurd quantities of hair…simples, right?

2. Exorcise Colour from your wardrobe. Pastels for Spring? PAH! The SS14 Art trend? EUW! Its only about black, navy and beige. If you are a Scandinavian this will come naturally to you – South Americans this may take some work – don’t worry you’ll get there.

3. Make like Dracula and hate on natural light. Yep, sun drenched days are your nemesis, instead you must shield yourself from all things UV. HUGE orbit shaped sunglasses are a uniform to be employed both in and outside, in order to guarantee milky, virtually translucent skin.

4. Think like a caterpillar in chrysalis. Yep, you need to create a mummy like cocoon out of swathes of fabric, as if you were about to metamorphosis into the most beautiful of butterflies. 

5. Your handbag should measure a third of your height and your width multiplied by 0.5 – at least. Despite the suitcase like proportions of your holdall you need to only partially fill it, preferably with multiple pairs of sunglasses and additional scarves and/or socks in case of a sun related emergency.